Vague

2008-04-27T07:38:00.006+09:30

Now puberty had arrived, Damien was finding new uses for his tools.

huh?

2008-02-02T11:09:00.000+10:30

In the great tradition of house paint companies naming paint colours things like Spanky (blue) , Cattle Dog Cluster (grey) and Princess Porky Wazza Woo (made-up... but probably not far off) comes possibly the most confusing yarn colourway name ever:

Turtle Cheesecake.

Other contenders welcome. If there is a colourway or yarn name that made you laugh or just downright made your brain itch, post it in comments. Some sort of prize to the most inexplicable.

Peace,
Ms Spider

I've heard of sea silk ...

2007-05-26T17:13:00.000+09:30

soy silk, bamboo and banana yarn, and even knitting with dna extracted from the testes of salmon, but this is going too far!

Shake your bottie

2007-02-25T17:56:00.000+10:30

How excited were we here at Vague to discover this for sale on eBay?

Squee! We can knit our own botties? Never have to ask if our bum's too big - just knit in a smaller size.

How disappointing to find this.
Still, I'm with KC and the Sunshine Band and will continue to shake my bootie.

Steriogram: Walkie Talkie Man

2006-12-22T19:05:00.000+10:30


Woolmation from guest poster, Othlon.

Just in time for Christmas

2006-12-20T19:34:00.000+10:30

I know not all MILs are awful, but mine was and I think these would make the ideal Christmas gift for her, if I had to still give her gifts.

If you're interested and of an evil disposition, these are available on eBay for the next couple of days.

2006-12-17T21:41:00.000+10:30

Wooly Bullies

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZcUjYpjKZs

No, I did not commission this mockumentary, but I wish I had. ;)

2006-12-10T19:47:00.000+10:30

Remember this one?

Feeling festive?

2006-11-29T16:18:00.000+10:30

I opened my inbox the other day to a certain newsletter i dont remember asking for... thought i would share the holiday goodness.
For those who feel thanksgiving should be a n experience steeped in dignity (and stretch pants).
For those of us who find jingle bell earrings just too subtle...
And to keep to kiddies in line.... SCARY!

2006-11-26T12:29:00.001+10:30

gone knittin'

The solution to Christmas knitting deadlines ... and the fish course

not exactly my mental image of a pixie

2006-11-16T11:32:00.000+10:30

need i say more? it's just funny.

Woolboy. Everyone thought he was strange...

2006-11-06T22:33:00.000+10:30

More great knitting animation from You Tube. This one's by Richard Coldman and it's episode 6 of a series called North Sea Circle. Such pathos.

mother-daughter sweater hell

2006-10-29T23:46:00.000+10:30

Well, all the 'IN' crowd go to therapists and you want your kid to have SOMETHING to say.
I'm really not a cat person. And that green would only look good on a tree frog. And the kid is extremely adoreable but the hood would be much better left to hang...
And I'm really bemused by the entire concept of a mother/daughter set, particularly when its this cutesy. I mean, i can sort of understand putting your child in a mock chanel jacket or such-like, but I do not know a single sane woman who would wear something reminiscent of an 8-yr-olds pajamas. And this is even out of date for the kid - all the 8 yr olds are dressing like pop-starlets these days.
And just to make a point, I include a full complement of hideousity (that is SO a word) in case you think i'm taking this out of context. Ok, i kind of understand why in some places this might be acceptable at Halloween... but isnt this woman just the Maude Flanders goody-two-shoes-breakfast-is-the-most-important-meal-of-the-day-i-always-bake-from-scratch type living down the street that has you itching to smack her within seconds of initiating conversation? or do I just have PMS...See here we have Maude again with her truly adoreable child. and i think these are almost excuseable as these two sets are clearly Halloween related (and while I do not condone people-who-dress-for-the-holiday, Halloween is acceptable). And while i realise they are just models who have been cast together because they look alike, this woman DOES look like a good mother. Like she's not above making herself look a little silly for her kid.
Blondie here on the other hand.. the kid is like "Mum, if you're going to flirt with the maintenance guy can you at least let me hide first." that boday language screams ESCAPE!
This is SO wrong. SO SO SO wrong. Again, fine on the kid, but the mother should review her meds if she thinks this is ok.
And this is all "Hey Santa, I'll ditch the kid and then lets look in your sack of goodies..."
Seriously, if you're going to pose for hideous holiday themed family related sets of really truly ugly clothes an 'I'm so hot, come and get it big-boy' pose is a leetle disturbing.. and ludicrous.

Happy Halloween and if you want to spend more of your time on this horror...

THEY ARE SERIOUS!

i never eat flesh

2006-10-25T20:27:00.000+09:30

Maude simply loved to knit!

Her second favourite hobby was trying to convince people she wasn't a vampire... and then inviting them over for cocktails.

2006-10-14T21:10:00.000+09:30

Real Men Knit

more fun on YouTube

advertising through the ages

2006-09-27T19:54:00.000+09:30

It is an interesting phenomenon that in this day an age almost anything will sell if you put it on a pretty enough model. We at Vague are routinely shocked at the abominations that certain yarn companies (appear) to sell with ease, simply by following this principal:
Ugly/Attractive=$$$

Clearly this is a recent concept.
Nothing sells a sweater quicker than popping it on a satanic overlord... And who knew Buddy Holly used to model cardi.. sorry, MANdigans?

Blood, Sweat and Wool

2006-09-19T06:31:00.000+09:30

Vague editrix continues her love affair with YouTube.

Anyone else reckon he'd have so been in there if he'd admitted the scarf's provenance?

If it fails to embed, go to YouTube. It's by Benjamin Hasko and Benjamin Huff.

Obsess much?

2006-09-06T22:17:00.000+09:30

And here's me thinking they came by the barrel full

2006-09-03T21:14:00.000+09:30

Story and video from here

Totally Naked Hands Totally Knitting

2006-09-02T21:37:00.000+09:30

Totally silly - love it.

Man of La Poncho*

2006-07-15T21:58:00.000+09:30

Of course our friend from here could always cover up with this stunner.

And, yes, I do wonder if the left hand knows what the right hand is doing.

* (with apologies to Signor de Cervantes although it could be described as quixotic in that it is foolishly impractical)

twisted

2006-07-06T14:29:00.000+09:30

"Gee willikers Pop, why do you suppose everyone is staring at us like this?"
"Well junior, it could be our stunning father and son cable ensembles."
"But Pop, that lady is laughing... she just called me 'Rimmer'. Why do you suppose that is?"
"Golly son, how should i know. It's probably some commie word for 'very stylish'"
"Wowee Pop do you reckon so?"
"Well sure Junior! It's simply years since you went all cable-sweater-hypnosis on us..."

who you calling sissy?

2006-07-06T14:22:00.000+09:30

Of late i have been hearing many a young man opine that new-wave feminism has robbed them of their masculinity. they feel lost and abandoned and without purpose - told off for holding open doors for a lady, no longer always the highest earner in a relationship... a freak! i naturally thought this ridiculous - if you cant classify yourself without comparison then you dont have a very strong sense of identity.

then i saw this.

i take it back guys, you need help.

Be Discreet!

2006-07-06T14:11:00.000+09:30

"hey everyone! I just farted!"

Now I've heard of crappy knitting, but....

2006-07-05T19:06:00.000+09:30

eBay strikes again.

Yes, we do know what she means, but the mind does boggle and I've this brown boucle in stash...

For the woman who has everything

2006-06-15T16:24:00.000+09:30

It's so hard to find something new to knit out of scraps AND for the woman who has everything. Thank heavens Felieke van der Leest has solved the problem.

Mum's the word

2006-05-11T19:33:00.000+09:30

And now, we at Vague bring you a helpful thought from Berroco. The perfect gift for Mum!
card suggestions:

"Mother Dearest,

On this special day

i have made you a gift

my love to convey

this special gift

it was cheap! it was fast!

and it may suggest

i just couldnt be arsed!"

Vague wishes mothers a macaroni-necklace-free Mother's Day.

One might actually need this ...

2006-04-27T18:09:00.000+09:30

if one was a shabby lover. ;)

Fresh of Ebay.com.au - I can't make these things up!

When Barbie joined the Bandidos all sorts of mayhem ensued...

2006-04-26T12:13:00.000+09:30

Shamelessly cribbed from the Yarn blog, this work comes from Extreme Craft.

Don't know who the Bandidos are? Find out more.

Yarn Onomatopoeia

2006-04-25T21:59:00.000+09:30

One would think that the producer of arguably the best bamboo needles in the universe would, perhaps, check international word meanings BEFORE naming its yarns.

Or perhaps it did.

There is a touch of Mardi Gras about this yarn.

For the straight acting curious, here's the full colour range. Priscilla preserve us, there's even patterns. My personal favourite combines "Fling", "Poof", and "Squiggle" yarns.

whimper

2006-04-19T20:18:00.000+09:30

Well.... overall I'd say its the ugliest thing i've ever seen. there arent words for this.

Family reunions 101

2006-03-31T19:09:00.000+10:30

Should you find yourself faced with the prospect of a family reunion over the easter break, there are many things you can do to break the monotony. We at Vague offer a few suggestions.

Refill half empty bottles of cheap red wine with balsamic vinegar
try to convince distant relations that you were the opposite sex the last time they saw you
pretend to have a facial tic (believe me, you'll have one at the end of the ordeal)
Steal young relatives easter eggs and deny it with chocolate smeared all over your face.
convince uncle Randy that he's having an LSD flashback by wearing this:

and yes, that is a gnome riding a unicorn. Enchanting, no?

Surf's up!

2006-03-24T14:56:00.000+10:30

For us and our friends in the Southern Hemisphere, days of lying on the beach in the sun will soon be at an end. But this need not mean the end of your tanned body presented in skimpy clothing! You can still attract surfer boys with this prize-winning crochet pattern!

Because nothing says 'sexy' like wearing sack-shaped sweaters with zero drape that make your arms look like giant orange sausages.

mmmmm, 1981, it was a good year.

Sexual Preditors, Knitting and You

2006-03-16T14:18:00.000+10:30

In this day and age ladies, the need to be aware and alert is growing. Everywhere we turn another person is being mugged, another drink is being spiked and crimes against women are escalating. We knitters must take action!

The patented Scowl Cowl allows the wearer state of the art creep avoidance technology. It knits up quick from any old sack of yarn you might have lying around. Practice your technique by yourself, checking for good places to conceal a weapon without cutting off your ear.

Now try it on a live specimen, the dorkier the better. The more persistant he becomes, the higher the cowl! Now SCOWL ladies, SCOWL! If you do find yourself with a particularly persistant creep, at least you'll have knitting needles to stab him with!

Putting on the dog

2006-03-15T17:20:00.000+10:30

You've heard of dust bunnies - well now try yarn puppies.

This book is written by genuine dog and knitting enthusiasts. They know we think them odd but they can't help themselves. I have visions of them hanging out at the pound, pressed desperately against the the chain link fence. "MUST. HAVE. YARN. PUPPIEEEEES.", they cry.

Read this little beauty and you'll never view your fur-child the same way again. It is, in fact, deeply disturbing in its persuasiveness. You have to feed Fido anyway and this book has a pretty comprehensive list of breeds and what their yarn can be used for as well as harvesting(!), spinning and dying instructions and patterns.

The ideal renewable stash? It's tempting, but perhaps not ...

ooh, attractive!

2006-03-13T22:03:00.000+10:30

Anyone else get the feeling that little Phillip might've dressed himself this morning? And while those pants look pretty roomy at the front, the look on his face suggests they might be a tad more restrictive round the back...

Welcome to Vague

2006-03-13T21:11:00.000+10:30

Welcome gentle reader, to the wonderful world of Vague. The antidote to the modern world of political correctness and in-your-face commercialism.
We are here for all of you, we are interested in the bizarre, the ugly, the funny and the downright stupid. Our personal interests are towards knitting, sewing and literature, but we welcome with open arms any contribution from a different field.
We welcome all contributions, and hope we can assist to make your day a little more Vague :)

Please send your contribution or query to vague_as_anythingAThotmailDOTcom