Family reunions 101

Should you find yourself faced with the prospect of a family reunion over the easter break, there are many things you can do to break the monotony. We at Vague offer a few suggestions.

• Refill half empty bottles of cheap red wine with balsamic vinegar
• try to convince distant relations that you were the opposite sex the last time they saw you
• pretend to have a facial tic (believe me, you'll have one at the end of the ordeal)
• Steal young relatives easter eggs and deny it with chocolate smeared all over your face.
• convince uncle Randy that he's having an LSD flashback by wearing this:

and yes, that is a gnome riding a unicorn. Enchanting, no?

Surf's up!

For us and our friends in the Southern Hemisphere, days of lying on the beach in the sun will soon be at an end. But this need not mean the end of your tanned body presented in skimpy clothing! You can still attract surfer boys with this prize-winning crochet pattern!

Because nothing says 'sexy' like wearing sack-shaped sweaters with zero drape that make your arms look like giant orange sausages.

mmmmm, 1981, it was a good year.

Sexual Preditors, Knitting and You

In this day and age ladies, the need to be aware and alert is growing. Everywhere we turn another person is being mugged, another drink is being spiked and crimes against women are escalating. We knitters must take action!

The patented Scowl Cowl allows the wearer state of the art creep avoidance technology. It knits up quick from any old sack of yarn you might have lying around. Practice your technique by yourself, checking for good places to conceal a weapon without cutting off your ear.

Now try it on a live specimen, the dorkier the better. The more persistant he becomes, the higher the cowl! Now SCOWL ladies, SCOWL! If you do find yourself with a particularly persistant creep, at least you'll have knitting needles to stab him with!

Putting on the dog

You've heard of dust bunnies - well now try yarn puppies.

This book is written by genuine dog and knitting enthusiasts. They know we think them odd but they can't help themselves. I have visions of them hanging out at the pound, pressed desperately against the the chain link fence. "MUST. HAVE. YARN. PUPPIEEEEES.", they cry.

Read this little beauty and you'll never view your fur-child the same way again. It is, in fact, deeply disturbing in its persuasiveness. You have to feed Fido anyway and this book has a pretty comprehensive list of breeds and what their yarn can be used for as well as harvesting(!), spinning and dying instructions and patterns.

The ideal renewable stash? It's tempting, but perhaps not ...

ooh, attractive!

Anyone else get the feeling that little Phillip might've dressed himself this morning? And while those pants look pretty roomy at the front, the look on his face suggests they might be a tad more restrictive round the back...

Welcome to Vague

Welcome gentle reader, to the wonderful world of Vague. The antidote to the modern world of political correctness and in-your-face commercialism.
We are here for all of you, we are interested in the bizarre, the ugly, the funny and the downright stupid. Our personal interests are towards knitting, sewing and literature, but we welcome with open arms any contribution from a different field.
We welcome all contributions, and hope we can assist to make your day a little more Vague :)

Please send your contribution or query to vague_as_anythingAThotmailDOTcom